So this is what college is like, huh? In high school, they used to make me bring home a permission slip to watch a rated R movie, but here I am a few years later, submitting a blog post about sex for a grade.
Adulthood is a wild thing.
From now on, consider me Carrie freakin' Bradshaw.
I have a feeling, however, that the title has misled a few of you. Because it does not quite mean what you think it means. Allow me to explain.
“In general terms, ‘sex’ refers to the biological differences between males and females.”
Now I’m no doctor, but if anyone is qualified to talk about the differences between males and females, I think it would be me. I grew up in a house packed to the brim with boys. I mean like, so packed that when one of my brothers would burp at the dinner table, my mom would look at me with this apologetic sadness on her face, and say,”I’m so sorry. I really did try to give you a sister.”
It makes me laugh to think about now— or to think about the fact that I cried when I found out my youngest brother was going to be a boy. Because when it comes to burping at the dinner table, I have all 3 of those boys beat. And yes, I’m aware that only a girl who grew up with 3 brothers would consider that something to brag about, but the truth of the matter is, I loved every part of growing up with brothers. More specifically, I loved that no one was stealing the clothes out of my closet. And I loved that if I needed someone to reach the plates on the top shelf, I had a variety of people to ask.
But I know. You’re waiting for a catch, aren’t you?
I’m proud to be a sister to three brothers. But there was a time, a few years back, when being a sister became the reason that I began to notice this “difference” between males and females, and all it took was one sentence.
“Ugh,” my little brother said to me,”You’re a feminist, aren’t you?”
“Feminism: the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.”
Damn right I was. I mean, logically, what women doesn't want to work towards a better life for herself? But when did ‘being a feminist’ become a bad thing?
I can’t speak for men. But I can speak for the women when I say that feminism is our efforts to be equal to men; to gain recognition for our strengths— not to be better than them.
So to all the little brothers who are lost in this confusion, I’m here to tell you what it actually means to be a feminist.
Biologically, men and women are vastly different from one another. And I’m not one to ignore this difference. I know that my brothers could probably carry 3 times my body weight with, like, one arm alone, while I can barely do a push-up. I know that if my brothers and I competed to see who could shot-gun the most beers, biologically, my brothers would always win that contest. But here’s what else I know;
Women find strength in the areas that men find weakness.
~and visa versa~
And I’ve predicted your sexist jokes, because again, I grew up with 3 brothers. So before anyone asks, no, I’m not talking about the fact that women are naturally better with children or better at cooking than men are. (In fact, my DAD is actually the best cook I know). In this instance, I’m referring to, for example, the fact that women are naturally very nurturing. Or the fact women can comfortably sit with their legs crossed.
My mom raised my brothers and I to be aware of our specific gifts. Like my oldest brother is very mechanically inclined. My middle brother might just be the most athletic person I’ve ever met. And I wish that my youngest brother could take my astronomy final for me, because he knows just about everything there is to know about planets. And me? Well you already know. I write. And this is how things worked in our house. Tommy would fill up the tires on my car when the pressure got low & fix that weird squeaky noise that it made when I hit the breaks, and I would edit his school papers. Charlie would encourage my lazy ass to go to the gym with him, and I kept him from failing Spanish. And Billy, well he’s only 9, but I make him lunch, and he just makes me smile.
Part of being a feminist means finding your strengths and using them to the world’s advantage. However, as a women in today’s world, projecting those strengths & earning recognition for them requires a bit more effort than that of a man because of the history we come from. Thus...
Being a feminist requires that women find a voice to stand up for themselves.
I'm not even going to sugar coat it, I am loud. Like I am the person you want to punch in the library. I am the friend at the sleepover that you have to tell to be quiet because your parents are getting mad. I mean, there are literally moments where I can feel myself screaming, and I have to stop and tell myself to relax before someone blows an ear drum. And then there are moments when the barista makes my drink incorrectly or when I'm being cat called by a man out the window of a moving vehicle, when suddenly that obnoxious, overpowering voice of mine just disappears.
I can't even begin to tell you how long it's taken me to figure out how to use it during instances like these. But it wasn't until I learned, that things started looking up for me. Now, I know that standing up for yourself isn't subjective to just women, and I strongly believe that learning to find your voice is a lesson that everyone should learn. It's just the moments that push men and women to find their voice that sets them apart.
My moment started due to someone very close to me. My best friend. There was a day a few years ago that she called me on a random afternoon of a day that she had chosen to stay home from school. We had always talked on the phone, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until I picked up and realized that she was crying on the other end.
"I have to tell you something, and you're not allowed to tell anyone," She said. And then proceeded to tell me that her brother had sexually assaulted her. Now what was I to do in an instance like this? Every part of me wanted to help, but how? No one else knew, so for years she suffered alone. And I could physically see the weight of this event just hanging on her. Hanging on her mental health. Hanging on her physical health. Just hanging.
Watching her work through the trauma that she had been through was the first time I had seen her voice be.. not even muffled... but completely silent. And no way in hell was I going to sit there and let her be trampled on, overlooked, or taken for granted because of someone else's mistreatment. So I chose to make my voice loud enough for the both of us.
I'm talking so loud that if you tell me I'm hot from the window of your car, I will most definitely yell back.
See, being a women means being afraid to get out of your car at the gas station. Being a woman means smuggling your pepper spray through security check at a concert. Being a woman means being followed around your own grocery store by creepy men whose only intentions are to hurt you. Being a woman means being pressured into sex by a "boyfriend" who claims he won't wait for you to be ready. And being a woman means growing up believing that it's acceptable for your brother to touch you inappropriately because it's all you've ever known.
And that, little brothers, is where feminism comes into play. The common misconception is that women want to have the upper hand. Women are working to beat the men in this imaginary race of life. But the truth is, women hold onto feminism because it gives us hope in knowing that things will one day be equal.
So yes. I am absolutely a feminist.
I am a feminist for my best friends. I am a feminist for my mother, for my grandmother, for my aunts, for my cousins, and for my future daughter. And our voices will continue to be loud and obnoxious until there is a day when I am not scared to pump my gas. Until there is a day when I don't have to argue for equal pay just because I am not a man. Until there is a day that women receive the respect we deserve.
There are many differences between men and women. My brothers helped me learn that. But I'm proud to be a women. I'm just working towards making a world that's proud of women too.
